Spilling the Beans
by JodithGrace
Summary: Angel finally tells Cordelia about his meeting with Buffy. Takes place After Billy.


Untitled 

Spilling the Beans

By Jody E.

These Characters do not belong to me. I merely toy with them for my own amusement. Welcome to my very first Angel Fic. Takes place after Billy.

Fred twirled around showing off her new dress, and Cordelia smiled approvingly. "Now that you are officially part of the team and drawing a miserable salary like the rest of us, it's good to see you buying some new clothes. "

Fred blushed. "Well, I appreciate you helpin' me pick them out, Cordy. My fashion sense was a bit out of date."

"A bit, " Cordelia understated, "So, what time is Wesley picking you up?"

"Well, the movie starts at 7:30. Wesley said he'd pick me up at seven. It's just about that now." As she spoke, Wesley came into the lobby, and looked at Fred admiringly. "Is that a new dress?" he asked, shooting a look at Cordelia, who nodded encouragingly.

"Why yes. Thanks to Cody Ah am right on the cuttin' edge of fashion."

"That you are. You look very pretty. Shall we go? " Fred nodded shyly and she and Wesley started for the door. At that moment, Angel wandered out of the office holding a book. He saw Wesley, Fred and Cordelia clustered by the front door. "You guys going out?" he said.

"Fred and Wesley are going to the movies," Cordy explained.

Angel brightened up. "Oh? Which one?"

"K-Pak, "Said Wes, "Can you believe that Fred has never seen a Kevin Spacey movie?"

"Oh. I've been wanting to see that. Do you want to go along, Cordy?"

"No," Cordelia snapped. Honestly, sometimes Angel could be as thick as a brick. "And you don't want to either. Trust me it's not his best work!" She shooed Fred and Wesley towards the door, whispering, "Go! Go! Run like the wind!"

Wesley took the hint and spirited Fred out the door before she could invite Angel along, and ruin all of Wesley's hopes for the evening.

Cordelia turned on her co-worker. "Honestly, Angel."

"What did I do? I thought you'd like a night out. I would have even treated."

Cordy sighed, "Angel. Look, I know that when YOU ask somebody out to the movies or for ice cream, it isn't a date. But for some people it is, okay?"

"Are you telling me that was a date?"

"I am."

"Our little Fred is on a date?"

"Yes, our little Fred, whom we've raised from a pup, is going out with our little Wesley."

"Wow. I never saw that coming."

"Why doesn't that surprise me? " Cordy remarked dryly. She went and sat down on the sofa in the office. 

"So, how come you're still here, anyway? Uh..I mean, quitting time was an hour ago."

"My VCR has been acting kind of wonky. Dennis offered to fix it, but I didn't think it was a good idea for him to get into electronics at this stage of his afterlife."

"No, I guess not. I don't really understand VCRs myself," said Angel helpfully.

"Among other things, "Cordelia muttered, then added out loud, "Anyway, I thought I'd watch my movie here, if you don't mind. Especially since you'll just be reading upstairs."

"Reading? What makes you think I was going to be reading?"

"Oh, I don't know. The book in your hand?"

Angel looked down and saw that he did indeed have a book in his hand. He smiled.

"Well, the nice thing about books is that they're always there when you want them. No rush about reading them. What movie did you rent?"

Cordy smiled mischievously "A Clint Eastwood film."

Angel lit up, "Really? Which one? Dirty Harry? A Fist Full of Dollars? The Outlaw Josie Wales? That's my personal favorite."

Cordelia smirked, "The Bridges Of Madison County."

Angels' face fell again. "Oh. I should have guessed. Well, do you mind if I watch anyway?"

"Not at all, Angel. I'll be glad of the company. I brought some microwave popcorn. Do you want some if I make it?" She took the popcorn package from the video store bag and headed for the kitchenette. 

"A little, maybe. Is there any coffee?"

"There's some here, but it's from this morning. Pretty awful."

"That's okay, " Said Angel. "I don't drink it for the taste, anyway."

Cordelia brought him in a cup of coffee, and set it on the table.

"So where did Gunn run off to so quickly tonight? Do you know?" Angel asked.

"Gunn? He had an errand."

"An errand? He's been running off like that every night this week."

"Oh has he?" said Cordelia innocently. "I hadn't noticed."

"Cordy. Come on…you know what he's up to, don't you?"

Cordy smiled to herself. "Maybe."

"Well, do you or don't you?"

"What if I do?" Cordy said provocatively, "maybe he doesn't want you to know."

"Come on Cordy, tell me."

Cordelia smiled. "Okay. On one condition."

"What's that?" 

"You spill your beans, I'll spill mine."

"What beans? I don't have any beans! Oh. Those beans."

"Yep."

"You want to know about my meeting with Buffy."

"Bingo. Who said you were slow?"

"Somebody said I was slow? I'm not slow."

"Angel…"

Angel sighed and looked at Cordelia. "Okay," he said at last.

"Really? I didn't expect to win that one. You couldn't be that curious about Gunn."

"No…maybe I'm just ready to talk about it now."

"Well, go ahead.." There was a long silence...broken only by the beep of the microwave.

"Popcorn's ready, "Cordy announced. "Look, I'll make it easier on you. I'll start. Wait a sec." 

Cordy disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared with a bowl of popcorn and a diet coke for herself. 

"Gunn, " she announced, "has been going over to Caritas every evening to help Lorne get the place up and running again."

"What?" exclaimed Angel, "I've offered about ten times to help Lorne with the club and he's turned me down every time!"

"Well, maybe Gunn made him an offer he couldn't refuse. I mean it was Gunn's former gang that shot up the place. Maybe Lorne wanted him to be the one to help fix it back up."

"All by himself? Isn't that a lot of work for one person?"

"Well, it was mostly cleaning up the mess. Apparently, there wasn't much structural damage. The way Gunn describes it, he works and Lorne nit-picks. He's not having much fun."

"So why didn't he tell me?"

"I guess he was afraid that you would want to horn in on his penance."

"Me?"

"Come on, Angel…you are the Penance poster boy! But this was Gunn's thing. He wanted to do it by himself."

"Okay. I can buy that. But that Gunn…huh.... who would have guessed it?"

Cordelia knew stalling when she heard it. "Okay, enough about Gunn. You're up."

"Don't you want to watch the movie?"

"Seen it."

"Oh." There was another long silence. 

"Look, Angel. This isn't that hard. First things first. How did she look?"

"Uh, not bad…good, actually. Much better than I expected. A little pale and thin. Tired looking. But, considering what she went through…I mean, when I came back from hell, I was in horrible shape. She was…Buffy."

"That's good."

"I just had to see her for myself, you know. Touch her. "

"And did you….touch her?" 

"Well, you know…I hugged her…touched her face. She was real. It was a miracle, really, and I've seen a few."

"How did you feel?"

"Uh...how did I feel?"

"You know, Angel. Feelings…we all have them. Even Clint Eastwood. Love of your life, back from the dead. How did you feel?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain." Angel paused, and cleared his throat. He took a sip of coffee. "For the last five years of my existence it's always been Buffy, you know? She was the one who dragged me into this world, when I just wanted to hide in my own. She taught me that I could actually do good, instead of just being sorry about being evil, you know?"

"Yeah. I know. I was there." 

"Right. Well, the way I felt about her was unlike anything I had ever felt before...even before I was changed. It was so extraordinary…I didn't know how to handle it. Which was obvious, I guess. After the whole Angelus disaster, and everything, I finally had to leave her because I couldn't give her what she deserved…a normal life and a family. Although she claimed that wasn't what she wanted. I mean, what girl doesn't want a normal life?"

"Maybe one who has accepted that she will never have it?" Cordelia suggested gently.

"Oh. Well, whether it was right or wrong, I left and came to LA. And I found something here. A purpose, I guess you'd call it. Sure, Buffy inspired it, but it grew way beyond her. And I found you guys, even though I came pretty close to screwing it all up."

Cordelia didn't say anything, but nodded to encourage Angel to continue.

"But still, always at the back of my mind, there was Buffy. I thought that someday I would get my Shanshu and I'd go back to Sunnydale, and she'd be waiting for me, and…"

"Happily ever after."

"Exactly. Somehow, that was always my fallback position, no matter how far away it seemed." Angel paused, " Then she died. There went my whole Shanshu dream. I'd already learned that I couldn't buy my way into it by racking up the good deeds. But now the whole idea seemed pointless." Angel drank some more coffee, grimacing at its bitterness, "I guess I could have just mourned her here but somehow that didn't seem …climactic…enough for the love of my life, as you put it." Angel sighed, "So I had to go to some mountaintop in the Himalayas. I guess that's why you called me melodramatic, huh?"

Cordelia looked puzzled "When did I call you melodramatic? Not that you aren't, but.."

Angel shook his head. "It's not important. But I discovered, even as I battled those demon monks, that I could go on living, and I didn't really need that dream to keep me going. I had enough right here. And I got through it."

"And then she came back."

"Yeah. She came back. I mean, it's great…It's...wonderful! But, seeing her there, I realized that my dream of Shanshu had really been kind of a crutch, you know? And, well, this is really difficult to put into words…"

"You'd gotten over her?"

"Uh..heh…I guess it wasn't that difficult, after all."

"But what about Buffy? Is the Angel dream still working for her?"

"That was the funny part. I really think she felt the same way. Like we had to see each other, and…now we don't, anymore. Does that make any sense?"

"It works for me. These things happen, Angel. People move on. They don't always love the guy they loved in High School. And you don't have to feel guilty about not feeling the same way you did five years ago. Oh.... and Angel...I'm sorry Wes and I were mocking you two when you came back that day."

"Well, it's okay. It was a situation that lent itself to parody, I guess. Some days I can even see the humor myself."

"Well, thanks for telling me. Now we can take down the Buffy shrine and get on with our lives."

"What Buffy shrine? I've got a few things in a drawer, but it's hardly what I'd call…"

"Oh it was here, Angel...right in the middle of the lobby. And nobody could ever mention it, but we all had to keep walking around it, trying not to stub our toes."

Angel nodded, smiling. "Okay. I get it. Who says I'm slow?"

"Not me. Want to watch the movie?"

"I suppose."

"Well, don't bowl me over with your enthusiasm."

"Sorry, but this is NOT my idea of a Clint Eastwood movie."

"Well, nobody's making you watch it…take your book and go sit in your room."

"But then I'd be alone. And so would you."

"So, why should tonight be different from every other night?"

"Because I'm tired of being alone, aren't you?"

Cordelia sighed, "Like you wouldn't believe."

"So then, I'll stay, if you don't mind." Angel reached over and took some popcorn from the bowl that Cordy was holding. "Popcorn's cold."

"Just shut up and watch the movie."

"You know…real Clint Eastwood movies don't star Meryl Streep."

"Do I have to send you to your room?"

"Just saying."

The end


End file.
